Three Gratitudes

I often tend to be of the pessimistic nature. To the point, that Alex often gets frustrated at my negative nature. It is not that I try to be this way, it is simply that I have seen all too often things not go as you planned.

It is no lie, I did not have a childhood which I look back on with vivid memories of happiness. I remember working a great deal milking cows, I remember being late to EVERYTHING due to milking cows, I remember smelling like smoke from the wood stove and going places smelling like cow manure, because there was not time to shower after doing the chores. I just don't have fuzzy butterflies in my stomach from special memories.

I know I don't want my son to live like that, though. I want him to have fun memories of the pumpkin patch, K-State football, Mom reading books, Dad changing the oil in the cars and letting him help, and anything else that sparks his curiosity and makes him feel loved and special.

So, I know I need to be a more positive person and see the good in things. Gratitudes is a place to start, so I am declaring Sunday my gratitude day!

1. My Pink Tennis Shoes-Simple, but it makes me feel pretty. I love the color pink, and I would wear it everyday if I could. I saw these hot pink shoes in Dick's Sporting Goods this fall that I thought were just adorable. They didn't have my size, so I was okay with taking that as a sign. But my wonderful husband called them back, hassled them for two weeks, and insisted they find the shoes in my size. I got them, and I love them. They are pretty and bright, and just make me in a better mood!

2. My car-My car is nothing special. We bought it brand new in 2005 (when we were much younger and less wise). I don't love it because it is anything special-I love my car because it is dependable. In college, I drove a hand me down from my parents that gave me all sorts of fits. For the planner in me, it completely sent me into orbit to not know if my car would get me from Point A to Point B. Thankfully, Alex was my knight in shining armor on more than one occasion, but it still drove me nuts! I love that I don't have to worry about getting stranded. I trust my car, and I love that it is the first car WE chose and purchased together.



3. Alex-It is no secret that I am probably described as an introvert. I like quiet time, my time, and I would much rather spend a quiet evening with people than a loud evening on the town with many. Alex is the opposite, and for that I am grateful. Alex pushes me and has helped me accomplish many firsts, but he also takes the burden when he knows it will be too stressful. He flew with me for the first time, and made me fly by myself to meet him in Phoenix one summer. He pushed me to go back to school and helped me do the paperwork:-) He always does the taxes, because it stresses me out to be responsible for important paperwork. He did my FAFSA's all through college. I couldn't fill one of those out to save my life. When we lost our daycare two days before we had Rowan, Alex took the burden to find us somewhere to take our son. Little did we know, how much we would come to love our "temporary" daycare. For the times that he frustrates me, Alex makes up for it in his helpfulness. I am grateful for it~



I am blessed and thankful!

What Will People Remember?

It has certainly been a hard week for our family as Alex lost a classmate and a good friend this week. Micah Rolfs transitioned to a new life on January 23, 2010. To say this has had an impact on us would be an understatement, but it has certainly caused us to stop and think about our own uncertainty of our days and how we choose to spend the time we are given.

Up to this point, Alex and I have always joked that we don't have a will simply because we are not going to die and neither is anyone we love. All jokes aside, we can't hide behind that idea because in reality it simply isn't true. Truth is, we don't get to know or plan when we leave this world and our loved ones behind. Nor do we get to know when we speak with someone if it is the last time we will see them.

I say this in reflection on Micah. I had seen Micah twice in the last month-once in Dillons on a weeknight and once at a coffee shop we had only frequented once. At Dillons, we stopped and chatted about daily schedules, life, and our son, Rowan. We ended with the cordial "Great to see you," but I had no idea I would not speak with him again. A couple of days later, we saw Micah in a meeting at a coffee shop, smiled and waved as he was preoccupied with his group, and we scurried on our way.

I will remember Micah smiling, happy, and kind because that was the Micah I knew. He was just genuinely a sweet man who always made time for you. At his service, his mom said, "Micah lived in the present." I have no doubt he did, and he lived having fun.

Unlike Micah, I struggle with living in the present. I always fret about what is coming next or worrying about what happened yesterday. Truth is, you don't get to know if there will be a tomorrow. I need to focus on the present, and the joys the present brings.

The last text message Micah sent his mom said, "Night." She replied, "I am blessed to know you, and I love you." He texted back, "Love you too!" I concur, we were blessed to know Micah, and our lives are better for it.

So on we go, living in the present and uncertain of where the story ends. I acknowledge my blessings as many and vow to make time for the now.

Single Parenting?

Alex left Thursday to go to Cleveland, Ohio for a conference, and I was left to be a single working mother for 3 days! Thursday night was a piece of cake-pretty normal evening for us, aside from the fact that Alex was obviously missing from the dinner table. We made it through bath fine, and then standing completely naked, Rowan turned his hands up at me and said, "Where's Daddy?" He was quite sure that Daddy should have been home, and he was not. I reassured him Daddy would come home, and the evening ended like all others. I read about 15 books to Rowan while he sipped on some milk, and then I carefully put the little man to bed. Friday morning, though, was when I really missed my helper.

I woke up 20 minutes earlier, 5:45, so I could get everything together and get Little Man to daycare, a task which Alex usually does. All was good, I was ready, and I woke up the boss. He was a tad grumpy, but he quickly ate his breakfast, drank milk, and we were rocking out to Wonder Pets as I was trying to get him dressed. He DID NOT want to wear shoes, and kicked me to the point of defeat. It was 6:45, and I should have had him in the car and be off to daycare. What else was I going to do other than grab the shoes and Little Man to the car. I threw the shoes on the floor board and off we went. By the time we reached daycare, Rowan was screaming at me, "Shoes, Shoes!" He obviously was angry that he did not have shoes on. I quickly put the shoes on, whisked him into daycare, and left a crying little boy reaching out for me. It broke my heart, and it completely reaffirmed why I don't do dropoff. I sped to work traveling a risky 43 in a 35, and I made it to work 3 minutes late. Whew! That was stressful.

The rest of the weekend has been much less stressful, but it certainly makes me think about how lonely life must be without a mate or someone to help. Row and I kept busy today with Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, taking down the Christmas lights outside, eating lunch, and a nap, but I find myself uneasy. While I know I can be a single parent for a short while, I appreciate my husband and all of the small things he does to help parent and keep our house going! I enjoy the quiet time to myself, but I am eager for him to get home in 7 hours:-)

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

It is a Monday. What should be a typical Monday is a very atypical day in our house. I should be at work with 115 other people's children, but instead I get to spend today with my Little Man. Alex took my car to work (it gets better gas mileage than his 1994 GMC truck), so Little Man and I are at home. I can't think of a better way to spend our day than this, though. Our day has consisted of cuddling and the movie UP, building with blocks, reading all of the books in our crate, and eating some soup with bananas and some ever scrumptious crackers called FlipSides. All that before Little Man went down for his nap.
This peaceful day because of a man who believed in change 50 years ago and fought ever so bravely for it. I teach the 1960s to my 7th graders, and it still brings tears to my eyes to read the horrific accounts of that time period. How anyone should show such violence on such innocent people, especially children. MLK was a hero. While I don't believe I will ever have the courage MLK displayed, I look to him as a role model and as a man who made a difference.

Additions to Big Boy Room

With the motivation now going for the big boy
room, we have really started looking at what we want to do. Kohls sent me a $5.00 coupon for signing up for the email list (I know I'll regret that sometime) so off we went. I couldn't let a free $5.00 go to waste. We found this truck on sale as well as the striped valance that goes with the bedding set, and I am really starting to see the vision. Rowan grabbed ahold of the truck, and it was like they were best friends. He played with the truck throughout the rest of the store! I may not be able to wait until Spring Break to paint now!

Big Boy Room

Now that we are 2, we will quickly need a big boy room! My goal over spring break is to paint what is now our spare bedroom and make it more Rowan's room. I bought the bedding this afternoon, as I have been in love with it for quite some time. It is exciting to move him, but sad knowing he no longer needs the nursery. It will be a cool "Safari" room, though!

I hope to paint the room a series of these colors and then create a true jungle. We will see how my creativity does-it is certainly not my strong point.

Rowan Blane Turns 2

It was bound to happen. My little bundle of joy has turned two, and I am left to wonder where the last 2 years have gone. It is such a joy to see him change, and he is developing quite the boisterous personality. I often lay down at night and say to Alex, "I miss him," because I do. He makes my heart ache when we are not together, and I feel so blessed to be his Mom!


With that said, we had a party (pirate themed), I made a cake, and he opened a lot of presents. All in all, he has many people who love him and showered him with gifts. His favorite presents were a dancing car, sandbox, train, puzzles, books, camera, blocks, Mr. Potato Head, firefighter jammies, and a brand new sippy cup. What a lucky little boy!